"Usquebaugh!"

“Water,” said my Grandfather, Hughie McLaughlin, “is a wonderful beverage, provided that its’ enjoyed in the proper spirit.” And the ‘proper spirit’, according to Grampa Hughie, was good, old fashioned, single malt Scotch Whisky, or, as it’s traditionally known, Usquebaugh! Usquebaugh, meaning in Gaelic the same as ‘Aqua Vitae’ means in Latin, and that is, ‘Water of Life’. Phonetically it became simply, ‘Usque’, and evolved into the English term, ‘whiskey’.

Legend tells us that it was St. Patrick, after travelling to Spain and France, brought the secret of distillation to Ireland in the 5th century AD, and that the secret was brought to Scotland by the Irish tribe, the ‘Scottis’, at about the same time. That’s right, while the Irish began the process, it was left to the Scots to develop it and bring it to perfection.

The spirit was universally termed Usquebaugh and was commonly made in monasteries, and chiefly used for medicinal purposes, being prescribed for the preservation of health, the prolongation of life, and for the relief of colic, palsy and even smallpox. In 1505, the Guild of Surgeon Barbers in Edinburgh was granted a monopoly over the manufacture of Usquebaugh - a fact that reflects the spirits perceived medicinal properties as well as the medicinal talents of the barbers.

In the latter half of the 17th century Scottish Parliament imposed taxation. In 1707, when England set out to tame the rebellious clans, the taxes were raised, and, the men with the stills had to head for the hills. Over the next 150 years the Highlanders eluded the excise men, and by the 1820’s, in spite of the confiscation of up to 14,000 stills every year, half the drams consumed in Scotland were swallowed painlessly, without paying a penny in duty. It was a matter of, (as Mel Gibson put it best), “Freedom!”

It’s interesting to observe what a culture carries with them when they emigrate. The English are a very proper, civilized people; when they arrive in a new country, the first thing they build is a nice house. The Germans are noted for their industriousness; when they arrive their efforts often went into building a fine barn. The Scots, who are by nature, well ....Scottish, upon arrival head for the hills, and build a nice still! This is what happened in the American Appalachian Mountains, the arriving Scots were largely Protestants, and supporters of King William of Orange, thus known as “Billy Boys”. Once settled in the ‘hills’, they were referred to as, ‘Hillbillies’, and their renown in the ‘moonshine’ industry is legend. For an example I can think of none better than, ‘Granny Clampett’, and her, ‘Rheumatiz Medicine’!

A professor laid a variety of objects before his class. He took a large glass, and filled it up with large stones. When the glass was full, he asked the students : "Is the glass filled up now?" Everyone agreed that it was. The Professor then took some very small stones poured them between the larger stones. When the glass again was filled up he asked once more: "Is the glass filled up now?" All agreed that it was filled up. "Now!" said the professor "Imagine that this glass is your life!" The large stones are the meaningful things in your life, your family, your health etc. The small stones are the stuff that’s not so important, like your job, house and car. The sand is everything else. "Please notice ! If the glass is full of sand there will be no room for small and large stones. It's the same in life, if you use your time and energy on small stuff there will be no room for important and meaningful stuff. Check and arrange your large rocks and stones and keep in mind that the rest is only smaller stones and sand." The Professor then took a shot of Scotch, and carefully poured it between the rocks, small stones, and the sand. Turning to the class he said, “Always remember, no matter how full your life is of the important things, and how crowded with the necessary but trivial things, and in spite of all the aggravating little things that plague us; at the end of the day, there’s always room for a shot of scotch!”

Ladies; Scotch isn’t just for the men, just one dram leaves it’s sweet cloying aroma on your breath; a smile on your lips, a spritely lilt to your voice, a sweet glint in your eyes, and a warm rosy glow in your cheeks!

Laddies; as Grampa Hughie used to say, “At the end of the day there’s nothing lifts the spirit and soothes the soul as three fingers of single malt Scotch, best enjoyed in a tall, warm Lass. “Usquebaugh,” ...it’ll put a real tilt in your kilt!

Fellow Toastmasters, we must remember that we are, first and foremost, Toastmasters; and that, as such, we can neither condone nor countenance slurred speech. So, allow me to leave you with one thought; “If you do drink ....don’t drivel!”

james